You devoted hours, maybe even days or weeks to fine tuning that presentation.
You have that cold/warm call script memorized.
It's show time; you give your all, you literally poured yourself into your work, and it's the best darn effort you've ever put out.
And the client/prospect says no.
You're now depressed and asking yourself all sorts of negative questions.
You again doubt your resolve, your ability to stick with your business plan and make it successful.
You think about quitting, dropping out, finding an easier line of work where you get an hourly pay check and don't have to deal with rejection ever again.
Let's walk this cat back a bit before it claws you to death.
Rejection, like depression and happiness, is a state of mind.
It's a condition that we choose to be in.
I'm not saying it's a conscious choice we make.
Tony Robbins teaches a lot about states of mind and how we get there.
For the most part, we "assume" a state of mind based on evaluating a situation.
We evaluate a situation by asking questions.
And it's the answers to those questions that ultimately lead us to a state of mind.
What happens with rejection is that we are "personally" involved or committed to our business and goals.
We personally wrote the sales letter, personally prepared the presentation, personally memorized the scripts, and, of course, personally presented the presentations in person.
So when someone says no, what question do we ask ourselves? "Why don't they like me?!?" The mind, being obligated to answer this question, quickly comes up with a set of responses: because you're an idiot; because you don't try hard enough, because you suck at this line of work, because...
you get the idea.
We may not even be aware that we ask and answer these questions.
It may be something that we habitually do without any conscious thought.
We hear the "no," the mind subconsciously asks and answers the questions, and based on the answer we assume a state of rejection.
We evaluated the situation, came to a conclusion, and reached the state of rejection.
"Why" questions can be some of the most dangerous questions we can ask ourselves.
When we follow the "why" with "don't" then we've created a poisonous brew that we swallow without even thinking about it.
And we don't even know how it's killing us, our dreams and ambitions, until it's too late.
The reality of "no" is this: it's probably not about you.
If you're a network marketer, you need to realize that a lot of people you contact about joining your business have either already tried network marketing and "failed," or they've heard some information that lends them to think network marketing is bad.
Perhaps they've felt "rejection" and, like many of us, accepted that as their permanent state of mind and got out of the business.
These people would say no if Donald Trump asked them to join a network marketing company again.
But the real secret to understanding and removing rejection is to gain control of your state of mind.
The way to do this is to interrupt your thinking patterns and substitute new and better ways of evaluating situations and coming to an alternate state of mind, a more resourceful and useful state of mind.
First, we need to recognize the pattern of thinking that leads to the state of rejection.
Rather than ask the "why" question, ask "what do I do or think about that gets me to this state?" Notice that I also included "do" in this question.
We sometimes do physical things that lend themselves to rejection/depression.
We can drop and round the shoulders forward, inhibiting our breathing and posture.
We can drop our head and our gaze and cower like a wounded animal.
Whatever we do, it's difficult to feel good about yourself when you place yourself in a less than optimal physical condition.
Examine what you do physically when you hear "no" and change the physical response.
Stand up straight with your back held straight and your head erect.
Breathe deeply and slowly from the stomach.
Let the power that naturally exists inside you to become manifest.
The big change, however, has to occur in the mind.
Since the thought process that takes you to the state of rejection is automatic (it literally happens faster than you can even recognize it happening) it's difficult at first to intercept the state before it shows itself.
So a better question to ask may be "what did I do to myself to reach this state of rejection?" Now you've asked your mind a question that it can answer.
The mind can identify those mental steps you take to reach the state of rejection.
In most cases, it boils down to a set of assumptions you made concerning yourself based on hearing "no.
" These assumptions may be the result of other questions you subconsciously ask yourself.
But as you become aware of the assumptions, the questions, you can now ask yourself more empowering questions.
"Is this really how I feel about myself?" "Is this the way I want to feel about myself, network marketing and hearing no?" "Is no really a reflection on me personally, or does it reflect that persons problems/perceptions regarding my business?" Now, based on how you answer these and similar questions, you can choose to remain in the state of rejection, or you can choose to change your state to a more positive, a more hopeful and more optimistic state of mind.
Accept that you aren't a total screw-up, the no wasn't thrown at you personally, that you don't want to feel this state of rejection, and that you now choose to actually reject ON YOUR OWN TERMS this state of rejection.
Each time you make this change of state you slowly change and alter the old thought process and patterns that lead you to the state of rejection.
You change from a helpless feeling of no control of your mind and thoughts to a confident feeling that you are in control of your thoughts and you will NEVER allow yourself to reach that state ever again.
The beauty is this process can be applied to any state your mind goes into that you want to avoid.
Rejection, depression, anger, misery and sadness are all states of mind that we choose.
Instead, choose other states of mind that lead you to more resourceful thinking, like happiness, confidence, optimism.
So make the choice today and every day to reject rejection (and other bad states of mind) and turn to better, more empowering states.
It's all about you and the choices you make.